Date 6 of 30: Age – Is It Really Just A Number?


My roommate claims that my homemade pancake breakfast with a certain co-worker this morning, should qualify as a date; I however, disagree, as it was more of a casual invite. I’m not writing this blog as a report on a “date”, but rather the two questions that I have surrounding this individual.

My first question is whether or not it is appropriate to date a co-worker (especially when you hold a higher position than the person you are seeing). Don’t get me wrong, I’ve done it before and never had any real issues (historically speaking), and its extremely common amongst people in my line of work because we all end up spending so much time together. But I’m left wondering if it’s really a good idea to continue this pattern. Sure, it may work for some people, but there’s always that reservation. Especially when you are in a managerial position.

My second question (and in my opinion, the more pressing issue) is the age gap. I will be turning 28 this year – obviously pushing closer to my 30’s… But for whatever reason, I can’t seem to find men around my age that are interested in me. The only ones that express even the slightest interest are people under the age of 25. Even though I know a person’s age doesn’t necessarily affect their maturity, it plants a seed of doubt in my head for a multitude of reasons:

1. At the age of 25, everything changes.

Before I hit 25, I would say that I was still pretty damn naive about a lot of things. I didn’t realize the true nature of people or the whorl we really live in. It was like before the age of 25, I saw the world through rose-colored glasses; Life was so great and everything was awesome… I thought that the world was going to be full of opportunity and wonder and amazement.

After 25 though, however, it was like the blinders came off and I saw things way differently. I realized the world is a cruel, vicious place and the people in it are not good, kind and generous. People inherently are selfish, malicious creatures. They only care about themselves and very rarely care about others. I think its safe to say that after 25, I became desensitized and had to re-prioritize everything I once thought that I had in order. So naturally, my concern with people under the age of 25 is that they will go through this change, just as I did. Which leads me to my next issue…

2. People under the age of 25 rarely know what they truly want.

When we are in our early 20’s, we think we have it all planned out – what we want to do with our lives, how we are going to get there, etc. The truth of the matter is, somewhere between 20 and 25, there are more than a few hiccups that can drastically alter a person’s path. Some people even get thrown so far from their path that they have to steer an entirely different direction.

Myself for instance – When I was 22, I wanted to go to the musicians institute in Hollywood to get my degree in music with an emphasis on vocal performance so that I could sing (my true passion in life) for a living. That all changed when I found out I was pregnant with my son. Granted, I would not trade him for anything in this world – especially a degree. But that just goes to show how things change in such a short period of time.

People don’t know if they really want to have kids or are ready for children or even marriage at this age – but sometimes it happens, and we have no control over it. Sometimes we are forced to move where life takes us, regardless of what we want.

People closer to their 30’s or in their 30’s have gone through this turbulent time of their lives already and have more of a concrete idea of what it is they want out of life. They have been through the ups and downs; they have done all the partying; they’ve dealt with the consequences of their actions and inactions; they are more ready and willing to settle down and work towards normalcy in their lives. Especially in terms of relationships and companionship.

Here’s a brief list of what I think the differences are between what people under 25 want out of relationships and what people around their 30’s want:

People Under 25:

~These individuals are generally afraid of commitment, as they don’t know what they want in a partner (hell, they’re still trying to figure themselves out).

~Usually these people are still in “party-mode”. They like the night life, late nights, drinking, clubbing, etc.

~Most of these people are not even interested (especially the men) in the thought of having children. In fact, most will RUN in the other direction at the mere mention of such a thought.

~They are stuck in mediocre jobs (especially in this horrendous economy) which they truly hate. (To be fair, I fall into this category as well, even as an almost 30-year-old.) But most of these people are going to school to try to get a degree in what they want to do in life. The problem is sometimes people will bounce around in their majors during this point because they are indecisive. Some don’t eve get the opportunity to finish school at all…

~Most of these people think in the “now”. They are not thinking 5 years down the road. If it doesn’t affect them today, they are likely to put it off… and put it off… and continue to put it off.

The 30’s Age Range:

~Most of us have had it with the days of partying late into the night, playing ‘bumper people’ with drunk retards in bars and clubs. We pretty much realize that these places and activities will NOT land us a lasting, meaningful relationship.

~The thought of children becomes a real topic of consideration – especially as 30 is the age when a woman’s biological clock starts ticking.

~Being able to live with a significant other becomes another topic of consideration, as you start to consider things like marriage.

~Most people have put in their college time by now and have either graduated, or are close to it. If they weren’t able to go to school in their 20’s, it’s likely that they are going back because they are finally able to do so… but the point I’m getting at is that they know what direction they’re going and they’re per suing it head-on.

~We start thinking how things that happen today can and will affect us down the road. We start to plan for our futures and we try to establish security and stability.

3. How big of an age gap is acceptable?

When you are a female dating an older man, the thought of age difference doesn’t really come to mind (unless there’s like a 10 year age difference). But suddenly, when you are dating a younger guy, a 2-5 year age difference seems significant. How young is too young? If there’s no apparent maturity issue, does age really matter? Should it matter?

All of these things are very frustrating to me. I am a person who wears their heart on their sleeve. I get attached to people (even my friends) very quickly. It’s difficult for me to consider letting myself get emotionally vested in things of this nature because I’m so afraid I’ll get attached and then things (namely priorities and interests) will change once the other person ages a little more. I think these are all fair, valid concerns. But the question is do I allow myself to get emotionally vested, or do I just chalk it up to having fun…? *Le sigh.

P.S.

I am starting to loathe the dating world. Just when I’m supposed to be taking a hiatus, this shit comes up and bites me in the ass…

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2 Responses to “Date 6 of 30: Age – Is It Really Just A Number?”

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