Archive for March, 2012

March 8, 2012

Online Dating Bloopers


So whilst on dating sites like OkCupid and Plenty of Fish, I’ve come across some pretty interesting messages. Some of them dare unintelligible, others kind of humorous and then some that were just downright offensive. These are honest to God, unaltered messages I have received from men trying to initiate conversation with me. Obviously I didn’t even so much as respond to any of the ones listed below… and after reading these, I think you will agree that it was with good reason that I just ignored them all together. I’ve compiled the best (worst) ones that I could find for you guys. I call this my Online Dating Bloopers Blog – enjoy!

 

“You such a fun girl to take out on a dare. I loved reading your profile. The interwebz is hilarious I love reading memes and rage comics. My name is ________ btw, nice to meet u and stay classy.”

~Um… I have no comment for this other than the word “dare” and “date” mean two different things. Grammar is key.

 

“Your skinny rawr.”

~Please learn the proper use of “your” and/or “you’re”. Additionally, telling me that I’m skinny is neither a compliment, nor an insult… think of something better to say.

 

“Don’t forget the cheese and peppers xtra napkins and diet 2 liter of coke.”

~Just because it says I work at a pizza place, doesn’t mean you can act like one of my customers… douche.

 

“No this isn’t a pick-up line..but have we met? You look really familiar.”

~Um… this isn’t a pick up line my ass…

 

“Wut if you fill yer brain with life instead of let life kill your brain lol I dont thats my  theory.”

~I’m pretty sure the last time I checked, life doesn’t kill my brain to begin with – but thanks, I’ll keep that in mind…

 

“i jus come see em all day ;)”

~I have no idea what this guy was talking about…

 

“I thought I’d write and congratulate you on being a lunatic’s highest match. 🙂
I just got on this thing to fish (in Beijing. sucks for us!), but I thought I’d torture myself by perusing for women that are mathematically the best I’m going to do, and then counting the kilometers. Anyway I’m curious, am I your highest match? I’m guessing that the way this quiz system works makes it to where I could very well be comparitively low on your list; however, I’m hypothesizing that the peculiarity of my personality probably seeks similarly peculiar people which, were such the case, I would probably rank highly on my top matches’ matchometer. Does that make sense? Let me know if my hypothesis proves true in your case, it’d be really validating and dark. ”

~A lunatic’s highest match? That’s scary enough. Next!

 

“I look for friend w benefit. Not one night, long term trusted partner as long as you want. I’m Japanese, polite, clean, flexible, have technique for pleasing lady a lot.Life is short. Till you find real one, it worth to you. Let’s have coffee or drink first to see how you like me. Hope to hear from you!”

~I look for people who are fluent in English. Additionally, you should look up the term Friends With Benefits.

 

“Hey, Are your legs tired, because you’ve been running through my mind all day long. They say the economy is not getting any better. I’d like to do my part and take you out to dinner. If not for me then do it for American ;)”

~Cheesiest pick up line EVER. And I don’t even know what to say about the whole “If not for me then do it for American” thing… wow.

 

“Dam! You have a higher than average sex drive than most girls. I bet you only date black guys. I think that’s okay and there’s nothing wrong with that if you do but I do want to let you know I’M BLACK WHERE IT COUNTS! That’s right! What’s up!!”

~WTF is this? Seriously? You have little man’s syndrome and need to learn to shut the hell up.

 

“Hey baby I wanna lay u down and kiss ur whole body. I wanna role play”

~Gross. Major turn off.

 

“I noticed your profile and i thought i offer you an opportunity to have some fun today or at a later date. My name is Jeff. Im 32 5’9 175 pounds very athletic build. I am asking if you would like to do some things together.
(A) come over to my place in el cajon-walk in and watch me stroke
(B) walk in and massage that body and give you a great oral lesson or
(C) join me on skype and watch me.
Hope this makes sense not trying to come off to aggressive but I know what I want, just trying to find it without the lies, games, and drama. If any of this interest you please respond asap.”

~Um… this is pretty gross too.  I can’t imagine this type of message actually landing any guy a chick…

 

“Dam girl ur smiles sweet like candy
I get drunk off it like brandy
Lost for days in ur eyes
Like a haze trying to get by
From a glance of ur smile
Dan girl I dig ur style
Just a thought of a kiss
To me would be bliss
My lips twist just to touch ur lips
My hand on ur hips”

~This guy rhymes like a third grader. I’m not impressed.

 

There are obviously many, many more where this came from… But I just thought I’d give you guys a little taste of what NOT to do while trying the online courtship thing. Good luck out there guys – if you’re anything like these guys above – you’re gonna need it!

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March 5, 2012


After I read this article, a lot of things came together for me. It all makes complete obvious sense. Love is not a feeling; but rather an action. Enjoy!

True Essence

How do you know when you are being loved?

This question came up in a Facebook discussion. There were several different answers to this question but the one constant answer was that love is an action not a feeling. We hear all the time that Love is an action, not a feeling.  We often associate love with how we feel but sometimes that feeling resembles love, which can make things complicated. By the same token love starts with a feeling and evolves into something much more requiring action. Love doesn’t sustain itself. There must be active participation to keep love alive. Love is not based on a condition or contingency; meaning it’s restricted or limited.  To answer the question………..How do you know when you are being loved?

You never really know how much someone loves you. It isn’t a thing that just happens like in a fairy tale. There must be a common bond or a special place in…

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March 2, 2012

Date 9 of 30: The Search Is Over – I Found Him!


Sometimes, you just happen to find exactly whatever it is that you’ve been looking for. Well, I’ve finally found him… and you all actually already know about him, if you read “Date 8 of 30: The Perfect Date“. We had date number two last night and it was every bit as great as I’d hoped it would be!

 

We had started with an unspecified time and ended up offering to pick me up as soon as I had woken up and gotten ready. When he picked me up, I gave him the biggest hug ever – I was really happy to see him and excited for the day we had in store. Being the musician/singer/songwriter/producer that he is, he let me listen to all of his stuff on the way to his house and even sang some of his stuff. Being a singer myself, I thoroughly enjoyed this – it’s like being serenaded. He has an amazing voice! (By the way, you should really check out his stuff – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rGlTuqLjEj0 – he’s amazing, you won’t regret the 4 minutes it takes to listen to it, I promise!)

 

Anyways, when we got to his house, he made me the most amazing amazing sandwich – totally organic everything – I never knew that organic could taste SO GOOD! After lunch, it was time to watch “I hope they serve beer in Hell” – which happens to be one of my favorite books, but I had yet to see the movie. Mexican food for dinner at the local taco shop, and then homemade strawberry ice cream for desert, followed by an overnight stay made for a perfect combination of everything.

 

BAZINGA! Big Bang Theory merch!

I’ve never met anyone quite like him in my entire life. We are both intellectual individuals with a passion for knowledge, music, and everything in between. He gets me and understands me – which is truly something (I’m not sure if anyone ever noticed, but my blog’s actual web address is “conundrums wrapped in enigmas” for a reason…). I can be myself around him, without the fear that I’ll say or do something stupid. I’ve always (half jokingly) said that what I need is a Sheldon (from The Big Bang Theory)… well, I think it’s safe to say that I found my Sheldon. But he’s better than Sheldon… he’s sexy as all hell, a complete gentleman, not socially awkward… he’s everything I could possibly want and more.

 

I actually deleted my OkCupid and Plenty Of Fish accounts this morning when I got home. I’m pretty damn sure I won’t be needing them anymore. So needless to say, I think my quest for 30 Dates in 30 Weeks has come to an end – when it’s something real between two  people, it’s something that you feel – without the need to communicate it.

 

This will not be the end of this dating blog, as I will continue my well received surveys such as “We Asked 10 Guys… They Answered” and “We Asked 10 Women… They Answered“, in an attempt to provide insight into the opposite sex and the trials and tribulations of people as they pursue the dating world. However, as for now, my search has come to an end. I feel like I may have found the yin to my yang; the peanut butter to my jelly; the man of my dreams that I’ve been searching for.

 

 

And just a tiny piece of additional information – the day that I started talking to him online, I had actually logged into my OkCupid account to delete it… I’m SO grateful that I didn’t, because otherwise, I would not have found him. Don’t give up on these dating sites, guys… you never know when your perfect match will find you, or visa-versa. Stick with it – you’ll find someone who’s perfect for you!

 

Oh! By the way… Keep your eyes peeled for a blooper blog that I’ll be releasing soon. It has some of the most randomly horrible messages that I’ve received on these dating sites – a great roadmap of the Do’s and Don’ts of the online dating world.

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