Online Dating Bloopers


So whilst on dating sites like OkCupid and Plenty of Fish, I’ve come across some pretty interesting messages. Some of them dare unintelligible, others kind of humorous and then some that were just downright offensive. These are honest to God, unaltered messages I have received from men trying to initiate conversation with me. Obviously I didn’t even so much as respond to any of the ones listed below… and after reading these, I think you will agree that it was with good reason that I just ignored them all together. I’ve compiled the best (worst) ones that I could find for you guys. I call this my Online Dating Bloopers Blog – enjoy!

 

“You such a fun girl to take out on a dare. I loved reading your profile. The interwebz is hilarious I love reading memes and rage comics. My name is ________ btw, nice to meet u and stay classy.”

~Um… I have no comment for this other than the word “dare” and “date” mean two different things. Grammar is key.

 

“Your skinny rawr.”

~Please learn the proper use of “your” and/or “you’re”. Additionally, telling me that I’m skinny is neither a compliment, nor an insult… think of something better to say.

 

“Don’t forget the cheese and peppers xtra napkins and diet 2 liter of coke.”

~Just because it says I work at a pizza place, doesn’t mean you can act like one of my customers… douche.

 

“No this isn’t a pick-up line..but have we met? You look really familiar.”

~Um… this isn’t a pick up line my ass…

 

“Wut if you fill yer brain with life instead of let life kill your brain lol I dont thats my  theory.”

~I’m pretty sure the last time I checked, life doesn’t kill my brain to begin with – but thanks, I’ll keep that in mind…

 

“i jus come see em all day ;)”

~I have no idea what this guy was talking about…

 

“I thought I’d write and congratulate you on being a lunatic’s highest match. 🙂
I just got on this thing to fish (in Beijing. sucks for us!), but I thought I’d torture myself by perusing for women that are mathematically the best I’m going to do, and then counting the kilometers. Anyway I’m curious, am I your highest match? I’m guessing that the way this quiz system works makes it to where I could very well be comparitively low on your list; however, I’m hypothesizing that the peculiarity of my personality probably seeks similarly peculiar people which, were such the case, I would probably rank highly on my top matches’ matchometer. Does that make sense? Let me know if my hypothesis proves true in your case, it’d be really validating and dark. ”

~A lunatic’s highest match? That’s scary enough. Next!

 

“I look for friend w benefit. Not one night, long term trusted partner as long as you want. I’m Japanese, polite, clean, flexible, have technique for pleasing lady a lot.Life is short. Till you find real one, it worth to you. Let’s have coffee or drink first to see how you like me. Hope to hear from you!”

~I look for people who are fluent in English. Additionally, you should look up the term Friends With Benefits.

 

“Hey, Are your legs tired, because you’ve been running through my mind all day long. They say the economy is not getting any better. I’d like to do my part and take you out to dinner. If not for me then do it for American ;)”

~Cheesiest pick up line EVER. And I don’t even know what to say about the whole “If not for me then do it for American” thing… wow.

 

“Dam! You have a higher than average sex drive than most girls. I bet you only date black guys. I think that’s okay and there’s nothing wrong with that if you do but I do want to let you know I’M BLACK WHERE IT COUNTS! That’s right! What’s up!!”

~WTF is this? Seriously? You have little man’s syndrome and need to learn to shut the hell up.

 

“Hey baby I wanna lay u down and kiss ur whole body. I wanna role play”

~Gross. Major turn off.

 

“I noticed your profile and i thought i offer you an opportunity to have some fun today or at a later date. My name is Jeff. Im 32 5’9 175 pounds very athletic build. I am asking if you would like to do some things together.
(A) come over to my place in el cajon-walk in and watch me stroke
(B) walk in and massage that body and give you a great oral lesson or
(C) join me on skype and watch me.
Hope this makes sense not trying to come off to aggressive but I know what I want, just trying to find it without the lies, games, and drama. If any of this interest you please respond asap.”

~Um… this is pretty gross too.  I can’t imagine this type of message actually landing any guy a chick…

 

“Dam girl ur smiles sweet like candy
I get drunk off it like brandy
Lost for days in ur eyes
Like a haze trying to get by
From a glance of ur smile
Dan girl I dig ur style
Just a thought of a kiss
To me would be bliss
My lips twist just to touch ur lips
My hand on ur hips”

~This guy rhymes like a third grader. I’m not impressed.

 

There are obviously many, many more where this came from… But I just thought I’d give you guys a little taste of what NOT to do while trying the online courtship thing. Good luck out there guys – if you’re anything like these guys above – you’re gonna need it!

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8 Responses to “Online Dating Bloopers”

  1. Oh, my. These messages feels so familiar it’s not even funny. I’m pretty sure I got one once that said that since I was a student, I probably needed money and did I need a sugar daddy. I totally sympathize with your okcupid woes!

  2. Thank you for the auspicious writeup. It in reality was a leisure account it. Glance complicated to far added agreeable from you! However, how can we keep in touch?

  3. I’m not positive where you’re getting your information, but good topic. I needs to spend some time studying much more or working out more. Thanks for magnificent info I used to be on the lookout for this information for my mission.

  4. Thank you for another magnificent article. The place else may just anyone get that kind of info in such a perfect way of writing? I’ve a presentation next week, and I’m on the look for such information.

  5. Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy. Norman Vincent Peale

  6. “i jus come see em all day“

    I was going to try to decipher this but I’m still drawing a blank and it’s been 5 minutes. Haha!

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