Archive for ‘Sex’

February 1, 2012

February Means Desperation Day… Oh – And Valentine’s Day Too


Barney Stinson

“Loneliness… the looming specter of Valentine’s Day fast approaching… the two key ingredients to my favorite day of the year – February 13th, Desperation Day.

Much like Valentine’s Day itself, desperation day dates back thousands of years; weddings were forbidden under ancient Roman law, so St. Valentine performed them in secret, under threat of death. And right by St. Valentine’s side was his best bro, St. Desperatius, there to pick off insecure bridesmaids. Every woman wants a date on Valentine’s Day. That neediness reaches its climax on February 13th – a magical night when a 10 has the self-esteem of a 4, and the depraved enthusiasm of a 2.”

~Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother – Season 6: Episode 16~

Barney’s “Desperation Day” is now even defined by Urban Dictionary as “The day before Valentine’s Day on which single people try desperately to find someone to spend Valentine’s Day with. Considered by some men (and women) to be the best time of the year to pick up someone for a one night stand.”

In my opinion, this holiday sounds much better than its romantic counterpart. Sure, we (as women) all like to be in relationships on Valentine’s Day, and go out to nice restaurants, and get flowers, and chocolates, and so on, etc. Even though I believe Valentine’s Day is a greeting card holiday, it’s nice to spend some time with your significant other and do something special together.

But when you’re single, Valentine’s Day is just a big slap in the face. All you see all around you is happy couple, after happy couple, after happy couple (who just got into a fight and broke up). All it does is remind you that you are alone and not as happy as you could be or want to be.

So this year, rather than sitting around moping and wallowing in self-pity at the fact that I am single, I am embracing the greeting card holiday. I will be embarking on a limo bus tour to 3 different wineries with 8 of my closest friends, on February 12th, the day prior to “Desperation Day”. Let the drunken debauchery ensue! Then, I plan to take full advantage of “Desperation Day”… now to just find myself an unsuspecting, willing victim. Finally, on Valentine’s Day, I’m going to do what any other single girl would do: curl up on the couch with some wine and chocolates, armed with a box of tissues while watching cheesy romance flicks (think, The Notebook) with my best friend, as we ponder why on Earth we are still single. I think it’s the perfect mix of alcohol, fun, no-strings-attached sex and romance over a three-day period.

But for my readers who are happily in a relationship, I have also compiled a list of awesome Things To Do On Valentine’s Day, in case you needed any ideas or inspiration.

Or you can always check out The First Date List and see if anything sparks your interest as well.

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February 1, 2012

Things To Do On Valentine’s Day


Happy February everyone!

Now for most people, the first thing that comes to mind at the mention of February is the dreaded Valentine’s Day. This can strike fear and panic in anyone – in a relationship or not. If you’re single, you should definitely check out my latest blog, “February Means Desperation Day… Oh – And Valentine’s Day Too“.

But if you are in a relationship, you have a totally different set of worries: what to get your significant other, where to eat out, and the ultimate stress – how much of a dent is this going to put in your bank account? Even if you have all of the above things planned out, if you happen to be the type who procrastinates, reservations are hard to come by on this romantic, greeting card holiday.

But fear not, I have compiled a list of things you can do for Valentine’s Day the break the monotony of a fancy dinner date. These things can be done in lieu of, or in addition to, anything you already have in mind. Some of these ideas are pricey, while others will barely affect your budget – so choose the one that’s best suited for you and your sweetheart.

1. Watch the fireworks at Sea World as you enjoy a bonfire on the beach.

Cost: $0

2. Indoor Go Kart Racing at K1 Speed or Miramar Speed Circuit.

Cost: $23 per person, per race (special deals also available)

http://k1speed.com

http://www.miramarspeedcircuit.com

3. Gondola Ride around Coronado.

Cost: $125 – $175 (price increases closer to Valentine’s Day)

http://www.gondolacompany.com

4. Mini Golf at Boomers.

Cost: $12 per person every Tuesday and Thursday for unlimited arcade games and mini golf

http://www.boomersparks.com

5. Enjoy a champagne Hot Air Balloon Ride over Del Mar as you watch the sun set.

http://www.sandiegoballoonrides.com

Cost: $205 per person

6. Wine Tasting tours.

Cost: $125 and up

http://anothersideofsandiegotours.com/c-69494-wine-tasting-tours.html

7. Horse drawn carriage ride on the waterfront.

Cost: Contact for quote

http://www.carriagesofsandiego.com

8. Relaxing spa day with a tandem massage.

Cost: Varies by location

9. Hike Cedar Falls and swim under the waterfall.

Cost: $0

10. Stay in, make dinner, rent a movie, and cuddle on the couch.

Cost: $0

No matter what you choose do to, try to remember that Valentine’s Day is a greeting card holiday, designed to rob you of your hard-earned money. Instead, focus on the person that you care about – it’s the time spent together on this day that should really be in the spotlight – not how much you spend.

January 28, 2012

The Real Reason Men Love Sex


I continue to find topics to write about that are not just informative for my readers, but they end up being extremely insightful to myself as well. An article I just came across simply began with “You already think you know why men love sex, don’t you?”. Naturally, the first thing that popped into my head was: “Because it feels good…?” The author had determined that most women would automatically answer with something along the lines of: “Because they’re horny, rutting pigs”.

To my surprise, there is a deeper underlying reason as to why men love sex…

“It’s true, sometimes [they] just want you naked on the kitchen table for the sheer fun of it, and sometimes [they’re] so turned on by you that the “ending” is [their] ultimate goal, but that is not why [they] love the act of having sex or why [they] always seem to be trying to get into [our] pants.

[Men] want something much more important than a great orgasm when [they] have sex, although a great orgasm is always a nice bonus.

The reality is that [their] emotional needs get met when [they] please [us].

Men love sex because it makes [them] feel like men.

When [they] see [their] woman lying on the bed shaking, exhausted, and completely fulfilled, [they] have all the assurance [they] need in life about [their] worth and abilities.

There’s not much this feeling can’t solve for [them].

  • Stress from [their] boss
  • Money issues
  • Family discord
  • An upcoming deadline
  • A painful past

…are all pretty much dissolved when [we] are screaming [their] name and losing [our] capacity for lucid speech.

Why else would [they] always try to convince [us] to come to bed with [them] when [we’re] stressed? It works for [them]!”

Apparently, women are men’s “best form of therapy” and we have “the ability to remove stress, make [men] feel invincible, and bring about [their] happiness without having to leave the house or spend a dime”. The author goes on to say that there are men out there “that need [our] emotional support.”

You can read the full article and more here: http://humansarestoopid.com/mistakes-women-make-why-men-love-sex/

 

 

January 25, 2012

Date 7 Of 30: Friends With Benefits


Friends With Benefits is defined by urbandictionary.com as the following:

Friends (With Benefits)

“Two friends who have a sexual relationship without being emotionally involved. Typically two good friends who have casual sex without a monogamous relationship or any kind of commitment.”

For some people, a friends with benefits situation is very tough to handle because they are often misled (due to lack of communication of their intentions) and emotions get involved. Others are more than ok with this notion, as long as boundaries are established upfront. Recently, I asked 10 women if they would be ok with something along these lines (1,000 Hits! You Guys Get A Sex Questionnaire!), and the result was a 50/50 even split. I reside in the 50% of women who are ok with FWB, and recently have come to find myself in a situation such as this as a result of Date 6 of 30: Age – Is It Really Just A Number?.

Now although it’s true, I would really love to be in a relationship (in general – not necessarily with this person), I have biological needs that have to be met. I’ll admit it – I like sex… a lot. Just because I’m single, doesn’t mean that I’m going to practice abstinence. But it also doesn’t mean I’m just going to have sex with any guy that comes my way either. That would make me a whore – which I am proud to say, I am not.

I actually have a very high opinion of this person – especially for the fact that he is mature enough (despite his age) to identify what he wants (and doesn’t want for the matter, i.e. a relationship) and was able to communicate it clearly to me upfront. This is EXTREMELY rare to find in a guy because many of them will try to keep you on their “hook” (yes, that’s a “How I Met Your Mother” reference)

How I Met Your Mother

just so that they can continue to get what they want out of it, never stopping to think about how it will affect the other person involved. This is how some people are misled into thinking that there is relationship potential out of a FWB situation – emotions get involved, people get hurt, then there becomes an awkward resentment in the end when a relationship fails to evolve.

The prospect of truth and honesty from this person, is absolutely priceless to me. I’ve always said I’m fine with FWB, but it has to be made clear from the get-go. So now that boundaries have been established, I’m actually quite excited about this whole thing. I’m definitely sexually attracted to this person and I truly enjoy both the physicality of this friendship as well as the friendship itself (on a platonic level). And besides, if I can’t find Mr. Right just yet, there’s nothing that says I can’t have fun in the meantime with Mr. Wrong…

January 22, 2012

Date 6 of 30: Age – Is It Really Just A Number?


My roommate claims that my homemade pancake breakfast with a certain co-worker this morning, should qualify as a date; I however, disagree, as it was more of a casual invite. I’m not writing this blog as a report on a “date”, but rather the two questions that I have surrounding this individual.

My first question is whether or not it is appropriate to date a co-worker (especially when you hold a higher position than the person you are seeing). Don’t get me wrong, I’ve done it before and never had any real issues (historically speaking), and its extremely common amongst people in my line of work because we all end up spending so much time together. But I’m left wondering if it’s really a good idea to continue this pattern. Sure, it may work for some people, but there’s always that reservation. Especially when you are in a managerial position.

My second question (and in my opinion, the more pressing issue) is the age gap. I will be turning 28 this year – obviously pushing closer to my 30’s… But for whatever reason, I can’t seem to find men around my age that are interested in me. The only ones that express even the slightest interest are people under the age of 25. Even though I know a person’s age doesn’t necessarily affect their maturity, it plants a seed of doubt in my head for a multitude of reasons:

1. At the age of 25, everything changes.

Before I hit 25, I would say that I was still pretty damn naive about a lot of things. I didn’t realize the true nature of people or the whorl we really live in. It was like before the age of 25, I saw the world through rose-colored glasses; Life was so great and everything was awesome… I thought that the world was going to be full of opportunity and wonder and amazement.

After 25 though, however, it was like the blinders came off and I saw things way differently. I realized the world is a cruel, vicious place and the people in it are not good, kind and generous. People inherently are selfish, malicious creatures. They only care about themselves and very rarely care about others. I think its safe to say that after 25, I became desensitized and had to re-prioritize everything I once thought that I had in order. So naturally, my concern with people under the age of 25 is that they will go through this change, just as I did. Which leads me to my next issue…

2. People under the age of 25 rarely know what they truly want.

When we are in our early 20’s, we think we have it all planned out – what we want to do with our lives, how we are going to get there, etc. The truth of the matter is, somewhere between 20 and 25, there are more than a few hiccups that can drastically alter a person’s path. Some people even get thrown so far from their path that they have to steer an entirely different direction.

Myself for instance – When I was 22, I wanted to go to the musicians institute in Hollywood to get my degree in music with an emphasis on vocal performance so that I could sing (my true passion in life) for a living. That all changed when I found out I was pregnant with my son. Granted, I would not trade him for anything in this world – especially a degree. But that just goes to show how things change in such a short period of time.

People don’t know if they really want to have kids or are ready for children or even marriage at this age – but sometimes it happens, and we have no control over it. Sometimes we are forced to move where life takes us, regardless of what we want.

People closer to their 30’s or in their 30’s have gone through this turbulent time of their lives already and have more of a concrete idea of what it is they want out of life. They have been through the ups and downs; they have done all the partying; they’ve dealt with the consequences of their actions and inactions; they are more ready and willing to settle down and work towards normalcy in their lives. Especially in terms of relationships and companionship.

Here’s a brief list of what I think the differences are between what people under 25 want out of relationships and what people around their 30’s want:

People Under 25:

~These individuals are generally afraid of commitment, as they don’t know what they want in a partner (hell, they’re still trying to figure themselves out).

~Usually these people are still in “party-mode”. They like the night life, late nights, drinking, clubbing, etc.

~Most of these people are not even interested (especially the men) in the thought of having children. In fact, most will RUN in the other direction at the mere mention of such a thought.

~They are stuck in mediocre jobs (especially in this horrendous economy) which they truly hate. (To be fair, I fall into this category as well, even as an almost 30-year-old.) But most of these people are going to school to try to get a degree in what they want to do in life. The problem is sometimes people will bounce around in their majors during this point because they are indecisive. Some don’t eve get the opportunity to finish school at all…

~Most of these people think in the “now”. They are not thinking 5 years down the road. If it doesn’t affect them today, they are likely to put it off… and put it off… and continue to put it off.

The 30’s Age Range:

~Most of us have had it with the days of partying late into the night, playing ‘bumper people’ with drunk retards in bars and clubs. We pretty much realize that these places and activities will NOT land us a lasting, meaningful relationship.

~The thought of children becomes a real topic of consideration – especially as 30 is the age when a woman’s biological clock starts ticking.

~Being able to live with a significant other becomes another topic of consideration, as you start to consider things like marriage.

~Most people have put in their college time by now and have either graduated, or are close to it. If they weren’t able to go to school in their 20’s, it’s likely that they are going back because they are finally able to do so… but the point I’m getting at is that they know what direction they’re going and they’re per suing it head-on.

~We start thinking how things that happen today can and will affect us down the road. We start to plan for our futures and we try to establish security and stability.

3. How big of an age gap is acceptable?

When you are a female dating an older man, the thought of age difference doesn’t really come to mind (unless there’s like a 10 year age difference). But suddenly, when you are dating a younger guy, a 2-5 year age difference seems significant. How young is too young? If there’s no apparent maturity issue, does age really matter? Should it matter?

All of these things are very frustrating to me. I am a person who wears their heart on their sleeve. I get attached to people (even my friends) very quickly. It’s difficult for me to consider letting myself get emotionally vested in things of this nature because I’m so afraid I’ll get attached and then things (namely priorities and interests) will change once the other person ages a little more. I think these are all fair, valid concerns. But the question is do I allow myself to get emotionally vested, or do I just chalk it up to having fun…? *Le sigh.

P.S.

I am starting to loathe the dating world. Just when I’m supposed to be taking a hiatus, this shit comes up and bites me in the ass…

January 21, 2012

1,000 Hits! You Guys Get A Sex Questionnaire!


Recently my blog reached 1,000 hits – which may not seem like much to a lot of people, but to me it’s a big deal because my blog has only been active for less than 2 months. Seeing as my most popular blogs are the Q&A style blogs, I could think of no better way to say thank you to my readers, than to reward them with the exact thing they like the most – SEX QUESTIONNAIRES! Enjoy guys!

We asked 10 men some rather provocative questions regarding their preferences in the bedroom. These are their anonymous responses:

 

1. Would you rather have a hand job or a blow job?

Hand Job: 0%

Blow Job: 100%

~100% of the men we surveyed said that they would much rather prefer a blow job over a hand job. To them, it simply just feels better. Time to practice your ‘O’ faces, ladies and get to sucking…

 

2. Would you rather have the girl on top or bend her over doggy-style?

Girl On Top: 60%

Doggy Style: 40%

~According to 60% of the men surveyed, there are more positions that can be done with the woman on top.

 

3. Would you rather have vaginal sex or anal sex?

Vaginal Sex: 90%

Anal Sex: 10%

~Even though men may be open to the idea of anal sex (some may even thoroughly enjoy it), 90% of the men surveyed would choose vaginal sex over anal sex, when forced to choose one or the other.

 

4. Would you rather have a submissive woman or a dominant woman in bed?

Submissive Women: 70%

Dominant Women: 30%

~70% of the men surveyed prefer to have their women play the submissive role. I think this allows them to feel like they are in control.

 

5. Would you rather go down on a girl or finger a girl?

Go Down On A Girl: 90%

Finger A Girl: 10%

~An astonishing 90% of men would rather perform oral sex on a girl – NICE!

 

6. Is it ok to have sex with a girl who is on their period?

Yes: 100%

No: 0%

~Apparently 100% of men surveyed are more than ok with the notion of having sex with a woman who is on her period. It seems that women have more of an issue with it than the men do. In some cases, men find it more enjoyable. Time to hit the showers for some no-muss, no-fuss fun that can be washed down the drain.

 

7. Do men fantasize about other women during sex?

Yes: 40%

No: 60%

~Almost a 50/50 result… some men prefer to stay in the moment while others would prefer to fantasize about their favorite super model.

 

8. Girl that is clean-shaved or groomed?

Clean-shaved: 80%

Neatly Groomed: 20%

~Bust out the razors… or perhaps the Brazilians!

 

9. If you fool around with a girl do you expect to have sex with her?

Yes: 60%

No: 40%

~If you get a guy worked up, chances are he’s expecting you to relieve some of the built up pressure that comes from fooling around with you…

 

10. Do you like having anal play done to you?

Yes: 30%

No: 70%

~Most men were disgusted by this thought. However, those that responded that they enjoyed it, agreed that it’s ok – just as long as you’re not trying to shove a 12 inch dildo up their ass.

 

 

To keep things fair, we asked 10 women questions that were somewhat similar to the men. This also allowed us to compare preferences on the same situations. Here are the women’s anonymous responses:

 

1. Would you rather be on top or missionary style?

On Top: 50%

Missionary: 50%

~Depends on the girl, to be quite honest… Some get theirs on top, while others get theirs in a more old-fashioned sense.

 

2. Would you rather give a hand job or a blow job?

Hand Job: 20%

Blow Job: 80%

~Most women feel a sense of pride or accomplishment after performing oral sex on a man… ESPECIALLY if we get you off in the process.

 

3. Would you rather have rough sex or gentle sex?

Rough Sex: 60%

Gentle Sex: 40%

~To be clear, rough sex can entail anything and everything from handcuffs, hair pulling, choking, spanking, etc. and sometimes more. But the women that preferred gentle sex, like the emotional connection that can come from having sex.

 

4. What matters more – length or girth?

Length: 10%

Girth: 90%

~Now to be fair, most women would say both. Why? Well… because why not? If we could have both, we would… but since we can’t, if we were forced to choose one over the other, we could care less if you’re 5 inches long or 12… Girth does the trick for us.

 

5. Would you rather dominate or be dominated?

Dominate: 0%

Be Dominated: 100%

~Women are submissive by nature. I can’t speak for everyone, but as for myself, I agree with the 100% of women surveyed. I am somewhat of a control freak in every aspect of my life… EXCEPT for the bedroom. That is the ONE place I’m ok with relinquishing all control.

 

6. Do women fantasize about other men during sex?

Yes: 20%

No: 80%

~Most of the time, if a girl likes you, we aren’t thinking about anyone but you.

 

7. Are you ok with a Friends With Benefits situation?

Yes: 50%

No: 50%

~Be up front with women! If you see nothing or want nothing more than a FWB situation, TELL THEM UPFRONT! Otherwise, you are allowing their emotions to develop and it’s a slippery slope from that point on.

 

8. Do you enjoy watching porn?

Yes: 80%

No: 20%

~80% of women are ok with porn… this does not necessarily mean they want to watch it WITH you, but when it comes down to fulfilling the biological need of self-pleasure, yes… women do in fact enjoy porn. (That or we at the very least get a good laugh from it…)

 

9. Do you like role-playing?

Yes: 60%

No: 40%

~Sometimes it can be fun to dress up and be someone else for an evening. It just boils down to personal preference.

 

10. If you were to have a threesome, would you rather it be Male/Female/Male or Female/Male/Female?

Male/Female/Male: 10%

Female/Male/Female: 90%

~Guys… this is your dream come true right here… If a threesome were to ever occur, 90% of women would rather have a second girl in the mix over a second guy.

 

I hope you guys enjoyed this questionnaire – I will be sure to do more in the near future. In the meantime, if you haven’t checked out my other surveys and questionnaires, you can find them here:

We Asked 10 Guys… They Answered

We Asked 10 Women… They Answered

A Little Game Of “Would You Rather” – The Men Answered

 

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