January 25, 2012

Date 7 Of 30: Friends With Benefits


Friends With Benefits is defined by urbandictionary.com as the following:

Friends (With Benefits)

“Two friends who have a sexual relationship without being emotionally involved. Typically two good friends who have casual sex without a monogamous relationship or any kind of commitment.”

For some people, a friends with benefits situation is very tough to handle because they are often misled (due to lack of communication of their intentions) and emotions get involved. Others are more than ok with this notion, as long as boundaries are established upfront. Recently, I asked 10 women if they would be ok with something along these lines (1,000 Hits! You Guys Get A Sex Questionnaire!), and the result was a 50/50 even split. I reside in the 50% of women who are ok with FWB, and recently have come to find myself in a situation such as this as a result of Date 6 of 30: Age – Is It Really Just A Number?.

Now although it’s true, I would really love to be in a relationship (in general – not necessarily with this person), I have biological needs that have to be met. I’ll admit it – I like sex… a lot. Just because I’m single, doesn’t mean that I’m going to practice abstinence. But it also doesn’t mean I’m just going to have sex with any guy that comes my way either. That would make me a whore – which I am proud to say, I am not.

I actually have a very high opinion of this person – especially for the fact that he is mature enough (despite his age) to identify what he wants (and doesn’t want for the matter, i.e. a relationship) and was able to communicate it clearly to me upfront. This is EXTREMELY rare to find in a guy because many of them will try to keep you on their “hook” (yes, that’s a “How I Met Your Mother” reference)

How I Met Your Mother

just so that they can continue to get what they want out of it, never stopping to think about how it will affect the other person involved. This is how some people are misled into thinking that there is relationship potential out of a FWB situation – emotions get involved, people get hurt, then there becomes an awkward resentment in the end when a relationship fails to evolve.

The prospect of truth and honesty from this person, is absolutely priceless to me. I’ve always said I’m fine with FWB, but it has to be made clear from the get-go. So now that boundaries have been established, I’m actually quite excited about this whole thing. I’m definitely sexually attracted to this person and I truly enjoy both the physicality of this friendship as well as the friendship itself (on a platonic level). And besides, if I can’t find Mr. Right just yet, there’s nothing that says I can’t have fun in the meantime with Mr. Wrong…

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January 22, 2012

Date 6 of 30: Age – Is It Really Just A Number?


My roommate claims that my homemade pancake breakfast with a certain co-worker this morning, should qualify as a date; I however, disagree, as it was more of a casual invite. I’m not writing this blog as a report on a “date”, but rather the two questions that I have surrounding this individual.

My first question is whether or not it is appropriate to date a co-worker (especially when you hold a higher position than the person you are seeing). Don’t get me wrong, I’ve done it before and never had any real issues (historically speaking), and its extremely common amongst people in my line of work because we all end up spending so much time together. But I’m left wondering if it’s really a good idea to continue this pattern. Sure, it may work for some people, but there’s always that reservation. Especially when you are in a managerial position.

My second question (and in my opinion, the more pressing issue) is the age gap. I will be turning 28 this year – obviously pushing closer to my 30’s… But for whatever reason, I can’t seem to find men around my age that are interested in me. The only ones that express even the slightest interest are people under the age of 25. Even though I know a person’s age doesn’t necessarily affect their maturity, it plants a seed of doubt in my head for a multitude of reasons:

1. At the age of 25, everything changes.

Before I hit 25, I would say that I was still pretty damn naive about a lot of things. I didn’t realize the true nature of people or the whorl we really live in. It was like before the age of 25, I saw the world through rose-colored glasses; Life was so great and everything was awesome… I thought that the world was going to be full of opportunity and wonder and amazement.

After 25 though, however, it was like the blinders came off and I saw things way differently. I realized the world is a cruel, vicious place and the people in it are not good, kind and generous. People inherently are selfish, malicious creatures. They only care about themselves and very rarely care about others. I think its safe to say that after 25, I became desensitized and had to re-prioritize everything I once thought that I had in order. So naturally, my concern with people under the age of 25 is that they will go through this change, just as I did. Which leads me to my next issue…

2. People under the age of 25 rarely know what they truly want.

When we are in our early 20’s, we think we have it all planned out – what we want to do with our lives, how we are going to get there, etc. The truth of the matter is, somewhere between 20 and 25, there are more than a few hiccups that can drastically alter a person’s path. Some people even get thrown so far from their path that they have to steer an entirely different direction.

Myself for instance – When I was 22, I wanted to go to the musicians institute in Hollywood to get my degree in music with an emphasis on vocal performance so that I could sing (my true passion in life) for a living. That all changed when I found out I was pregnant with my son. Granted, I would not trade him for anything in this world – especially a degree. But that just goes to show how things change in such a short period of time.

People don’t know if they really want to have kids or are ready for children or even marriage at this age – but sometimes it happens, and we have no control over it. Sometimes we are forced to move where life takes us, regardless of what we want.

People closer to their 30’s or in their 30’s have gone through this turbulent time of their lives already and have more of a concrete idea of what it is they want out of life. They have been through the ups and downs; they have done all the partying; they’ve dealt with the consequences of their actions and inactions; they are more ready and willing to settle down and work towards normalcy in their lives. Especially in terms of relationships and companionship.

Here’s a brief list of what I think the differences are between what people under 25 want out of relationships and what people around their 30’s want:

People Under 25:

~These individuals are generally afraid of commitment, as they don’t know what they want in a partner (hell, they’re still trying to figure themselves out).

~Usually these people are still in “party-mode”. They like the night life, late nights, drinking, clubbing, etc.

~Most of these people are not even interested (especially the men) in the thought of having children. In fact, most will RUN in the other direction at the mere mention of such a thought.

~They are stuck in mediocre jobs (especially in this horrendous economy) which they truly hate. (To be fair, I fall into this category as well, even as an almost 30-year-old.) But most of these people are going to school to try to get a degree in what they want to do in life. The problem is sometimes people will bounce around in their majors during this point because they are indecisive. Some don’t eve get the opportunity to finish school at all…

~Most of these people think in the “now”. They are not thinking 5 years down the road. If it doesn’t affect them today, they are likely to put it off… and put it off… and continue to put it off.

The 30’s Age Range:

~Most of us have had it with the days of partying late into the night, playing ‘bumper people’ with drunk retards in bars and clubs. We pretty much realize that these places and activities will NOT land us a lasting, meaningful relationship.

~The thought of children becomes a real topic of consideration – especially as 30 is the age when a woman’s biological clock starts ticking.

~Being able to live with a significant other becomes another topic of consideration, as you start to consider things like marriage.

~Most people have put in their college time by now and have either graduated, or are close to it. If they weren’t able to go to school in their 20’s, it’s likely that they are going back because they are finally able to do so… but the point I’m getting at is that they know what direction they’re going and they’re per suing it head-on.

~We start thinking how things that happen today can and will affect us down the road. We start to plan for our futures and we try to establish security and stability.

3. How big of an age gap is acceptable?

When you are a female dating an older man, the thought of age difference doesn’t really come to mind (unless there’s like a 10 year age difference). But suddenly, when you are dating a younger guy, a 2-5 year age difference seems significant. How young is too young? If there’s no apparent maturity issue, does age really matter? Should it matter?

All of these things are very frustrating to me. I am a person who wears their heart on their sleeve. I get attached to people (even my friends) very quickly. It’s difficult for me to consider letting myself get emotionally vested in things of this nature because I’m so afraid I’ll get attached and then things (namely priorities and interests) will change once the other person ages a little more. I think these are all fair, valid concerns. But the question is do I allow myself to get emotionally vested, or do I just chalk it up to having fun…? *Le sigh.

P.S.

I am starting to loathe the dating world. Just when I’m supposed to be taking a hiatus, this shit comes up and bites me in the ass…

January 21, 2012

1,000 Hits! You Guys Get A Sex Questionnaire!


Recently my blog reached 1,000 hits – which may not seem like much to a lot of people, but to me it’s a big deal because my blog has only been active for less than 2 months. Seeing as my most popular blogs are the Q&A style blogs, I could think of no better way to say thank you to my readers, than to reward them with the exact thing they like the most – SEX QUESTIONNAIRES! Enjoy guys!

We asked 10 men some rather provocative questions regarding their preferences in the bedroom. These are their anonymous responses:

 

1. Would you rather have a hand job or a blow job?

Hand Job: 0%

Blow Job: 100%

~100% of the men we surveyed said that they would much rather prefer a blow job over a hand job. To them, it simply just feels better. Time to practice your ‘O’ faces, ladies and get to sucking…

 

2. Would you rather have the girl on top or bend her over doggy-style?

Girl On Top: 60%

Doggy Style: 40%

~According to 60% of the men surveyed, there are more positions that can be done with the woman on top.

 

3. Would you rather have vaginal sex or anal sex?

Vaginal Sex: 90%

Anal Sex: 10%

~Even though men may be open to the idea of anal sex (some may even thoroughly enjoy it), 90% of the men surveyed would choose vaginal sex over anal sex, when forced to choose one or the other.

 

4. Would you rather have a submissive woman or a dominant woman in bed?

Submissive Women: 70%

Dominant Women: 30%

~70% of the men surveyed prefer to have their women play the submissive role. I think this allows them to feel like they are in control.

 

5. Would you rather go down on a girl or finger a girl?

Go Down On A Girl: 90%

Finger A Girl: 10%

~An astonishing 90% of men would rather perform oral sex on a girl – NICE!

 

6. Is it ok to have sex with a girl who is on their period?

Yes: 100%

No: 0%

~Apparently 100% of men surveyed are more than ok with the notion of having sex with a woman who is on her period. It seems that women have more of an issue with it than the men do. In some cases, men find it more enjoyable. Time to hit the showers for some no-muss, no-fuss fun that can be washed down the drain.

 

7. Do men fantasize about other women during sex?

Yes: 40%

No: 60%

~Almost a 50/50 result… some men prefer to stay in the moment while others would prefer to fantasize about their favorite super model.

 

8. Girl that is clean-shaved or groomed?

Clean-shaved: 80%

Neatly Groomed: 20%

~Bust out the razors… or perhaps the Brazilians!

 

9. If you fool around with a girl do you expect to have sex with her?

Yes: 60%

No: 40%

~If you get a guy worked up, chances are he’s expecting you to relieve some of the built up pressure that comes from fooling around with you…

 

10. Do you like having anal play done to you?

Yes: 30%

No: 70%

~Most men were disgusted by this thought. However, those that responded that they enjoyed it, agreed that it’s ok – just as long as you’re not trying to shove a 12 inch dildo up their ass.

 

 

To keep things fair, we asked 10 women questions that were somewhat similar to the men. This also allowed us to compare preferences on the same situations. Here are the women’s anonymous responses:

 

1. Would you rather be on top or missionary style?

On Top: 50%

Missionary: 50%

~Depends on the girl, to be quite honest… Some get theirs on top, while others get theirs in a more old-fashioned sense.

 

2. Would you rather give a hand job or a blow job?

Hand Job: 20%

Blow Job: 80%

~Most women feel a sense of pride or accomplishment after performing oral sex on a man… ESPECIALLY if we get you off in the process.

 

3. Would you rather have rough sex or gentle sex?

Rough Sex: 60%

Gentle Sex: 40%

~To be clear, rough sex can entail anything and everything from handcuffs, hair pulling, choking, spanking, etc. and sometimes more. But the women that preferred gentle sex, like the emotional connection that can come from having sex.

 

4. What matters more – length or girth?

Length: 10%

Girth: 90%

~Now to be fair, most women would say both. Why? Well… because why not? If we could have both, we would… but since we can’t, if we were forced to choose one over the other, we could care less if you’re 5 inches long or 12… Girth does the trick for us.

 

5. Would you rather dominate or be dominated?

Dominate: 0%

Be Dominated: 100%

~Women are submissive by nature. I can’t speak for everyone, but as for myself, I agree with the 100% of women surveyed. I am somewhat of a control freak in every aspect of my life… EXCEPT for the bedroom. That is the ONE place I’m ok with relinquishing all control.

 

6. Do women fantasize about other men during sex?

Yes: 20%

No: 80%

~Most of the time, if a girl likes you, we aren’t thinking about anyone but you.

 

7. Are you ok with a Friends With Benefits situation?

Yes: 50%

No: 50%

~Be up front with women! If you see nothing or want nothing more than a FWB situation, TELL THEM UPFRONT! Otherwise, you are allowing their emotions to develop and it’s a slippery slope from that point on.

 

8. Do you enjoy watching porn?

Yes: 80%

No: 20%

~80% of women are ok with porn… this does not necessarily mean they want to watch it WITH you, but when it comes down to fulfilling the biological need of self-pleasure, yes… women do in fact enjoy porn. (That or we at the very least get a good laugh from it…)

 

9. Do you like role-playing?

Yes: 60%

No: 40%

~Sometimes it can be fun to dress up and be someone else for an evening. It just boils down to personal preference.

 

10. If you were to have a threesome, would you rather it be Male/Female/Male or Female/Male/Female?

Male/Female/Male: 10%

Female/Male/Female: 90%

~Guys… this is your dream come true right here… If a threesome were to ever occur, 90% of women would rather have a second girl in the mix over a second guy.

 

I hope you guys enjoyed this questionnaire – I will be sure to do more in the near future. In the meantime, if you haven’t checked out my other surveys and questionnaires, you can find them here:

We Asked 10 Guys… They Answered

We Asked 10 Women… They Answered

A Little Game Of “Would You Rather” – The Men Answered

 

January 17, 2012

The Reasoning


PlentyofFish

I recently found an article online that offers women insight as to why we attract the wrong type of men (direct link here). Personally, I found many of these topics to hold true in my own dating life.

Image representing OkCupid as depicted in Crun...

Even before I began this blog, I had gone on multiple dates with individuals I had met on Plenty of Fish and OkCupid, with little to no avail. They always start off great, yet they deter and ultimately dissolve into nothingness.

We end up asking ourselves where we went wrong with this great potential relationship candidate. After reading this article, it seems that maybe there are some things that women do subconsciously that sabotage a would-be relationship right from the start. See how many on this list you find yourself guilty of:

 

 

#1. You don’t draw the boundaries – If a man wants to get intimate with you, he can. If he wants to disrespect you or make fun of you, he can. If he wants to say he’ll call but never does, he can. He walks all over you, because he can, and because you let him. Draw the boundaries, otherwise you’ll find that men will do WHATEVER they want to, regardless of how you feel about it.”

 

“#2. You tell them not to like you, because you don’t like yourself – You give off the vibe that you really hate yourself, and that you don’t value yourself. You downsize yourself and show your insecurities in your self-sabotaging comments and jokes that you make about yourself when you talk to men. This tells them that you are a low quality woman, and thus they treat you like one.”

~I must admit that I suffer from ridiculously low self-esteem. It’s not that I don’t like myself – as a matter of fact, I think I’m pretty fucking awesome. But I can’t seem to look in the mirror and see myself as attractive. I think many women can relate to this as we have sub-model-esque features.

 

#3. You jump into bed too early – You try to snag him by jumping into bed with him, but that only backfires when you realize that he only wanted a one night stand. NEVER become intimate with a man early on, if he is TRULY into you, he won’t make that a requirement, and will not rush into intimacy with you.”

~Guilty as charged. I like sex. Sue me. But apparently, you have to play the prude role and try to play hard to get in this field. Even though most of the men I surveyed in “We Asked 10 Guys… They Answered“, said they wouldn’t look down on a girl who gave it up right away, I think it takes the thrill of the chase away from them when we give into sex too soon.

 

#4. You don’t think you can accomplish your goals without a man – You want a house, and kids, and a stable life…and you sit there telling men how you need to settle down with a guy just to get these things. This comes across as being utterly needy and even creepy at times; and tells him that you’re not really willing to give yourself anything on your own, and instead expect a man to give you the life you desire.

 

#5. You expect commitment instantly – You just met the guy, and already you are strangling him with commitment talks and expectations. The quickest way to scare a man off is by making him feel as though you are trying to trap him; which talking about commitment does! If a man wants to commit, he doesn’t want to be told to do it; BUT wants to CHOOSE it, which you don’t allow him to do when you come on too strong in the beginning.”

~Guilty once again. These days, relationships are nothing more than a commitment so that we, as women don’t feel like men are just sticking their dicks into every woman they come in contact with. Guys see it as us trying to trap them – when the reality of it is that we’re not asking to get married or have their children. We just want to know that you aren’t doing and saying the same things with 5 other women. I still don’t feel like it’s a bad thing to ask, as I did in “Date 5 of 30: TIme to Shit or Get Off the Pot” . Perhaps this is why I’m single. Duly noted.

 

#6. You’re extremely bossy- You talk about all the things he has to do for you, and get for you, and he thinks you’re just a spoiled brat who needs to grow up. He’s never going to let you boss him around or tell him what to do, and will probably throw that in your face just to teach you a lesson.”

 

#7. You don’t give him space – A man will become a complete jerk when you deprive him of space and when you deprive him of his “personal” time alone and away from you. Men will literally ARGUE and cause a huge fight just to have a valid reason to leave you, because otherwise, they’d never be able to get some time alone.”

 

#8. You’re too touchy – He says one small thing and it offsets you so much that you start crying, or argue for 3 hours about it, and you just can’t drop anything or let anything go. He doesn’t want to feel like he’s walking on egg shells around you, so instead he will just dump you on the sidelines and find someone who isn’t so touchy.”

~Now I’m not necessarily the kind of girl that cries because my feelings have been hurt, but that’s not to say that I don’t know a lot of women who do… I admit to getting a little defensive at times, but not really to the point where I’m crying over it. Men just need to realize that we are overly emotional and sensitive; just like women have come to realize that men can be insensitive pricks who could give two shits about our feelings.

 

#9. You let him take you for granted – You give him so much so early on, without him having to EARN it or WORK for it, that he starts to take you for granted. His ego is inflated because he is getting you to do everything for him, without working for it…thus he literally doesn’t appreciate you, and you mean nothing to him…because it’s just YOU who is chasing him. He’ll treat you like crap as a result.”

 

#10. You let men determine your mood – Your mood depends entirely on what other men think, and whether or not they are attracted etc… Thus, if you are rejected or if he doesn’t call you…you’ll instantly feel down. Likewise, if he talks to you for a while, or if he says he likes you…your mood elevates.

Men notice this behavior and may play around with you just to get a reaction…which in turn means they are not genuine but instead are entertaining themselves at the cost of your pain.”

~Dammit. Guilty again. I have no idea why men play such a huge role on my happiness level. I think a lot of women can relate to this.

 

#11. You’re too submissive – While it’s true that men want to be in control; the issue is that when you are TOO submissive men become control hungry because they become used to the idea of controlling you. Thus, when you try to gain control, they only become worse and try to control you more, because their comfort zone rests in having control over everything because you started off being submissive and thus conditioned them to only want you when you are submissive.

This is why they never let you make decisions, never let you have any say or any control…and in turn just abuse you when you try to put your foot down.”

~Can’t really say that this applies to me, as the only time I’m truly submissive is in the bedroom. I am a very typical Type A personality, alpha-female – and as such the only place where I relinquish control is behind closed doors.

 

#12. You tell men to judge you – You talk about your problems, your past relationships, your mistakes etc… and then you ask him what he thinks or what his input is; which is like asking him to judge you. He, of course, WILL judge you, and then will sound like a complete jerk. BUT, that’s your fault, for giving him permission to criticize and judge you so heavily to begin with.”

 

#13. You don’t uphold your morals – You tell a guy that you’re a good and clean girl; yet not even 5 minutes later you are acting completely different just to try [to] win him over, when your first approach doesn’t work. Men won’t want to commit to women who can’t uphold their morals, and would often view these women as being [low-class], easy takes.”

 

#14. You change everything just to be with a guy – It’s not natural that you’re suddenly interested in everything he is, and he notices that it’s fake. He knows that you’re just pretending and are altering your entire life just to try [to] show him that you have things in common. Some guys may take advantage of this in a bad way when they realize it, and may introduce you to bad habits, poor choices, and other things to get what they want.”

 

#15. You don’t stand up for yourself – He’ll pick on you or do something that is completely rude, and you don’t stand up for yourself, and don’t speak up to let him know that it’s something you dislike or that it’s something unacceptable. When you don’t stand up for yourself, you tell a man that it’s alright to continue the behavior, because he doesn’t know otherwise, and will probably increase the poor behavior as a result.”

 

#16. You don’t respect yourself – Instead, you expect men to respect you, because that’s the only way you can feel good, and the only way you can get respect. BUT, it starts from within, and a man will NEVER respect a woman who does not respect herself…because he doesn’t have a REASON to. The ONLY reason a man would do something, is if a woman makes it clear by doing it herself first.”

 

#17. You initiate everything – Even if he LETS you initiate something, it’s only because it’s easier for him, and it means he can get what he wants with little to no effort. It’s every guys dream to have easy girls chasing after them, which is what you appear to be when you initiate everything. Men who are genuine will ALWAYS initiate the important things first, such as getting your phone number, taking you on a date, starting a relationship, moving in together etc…”

~I don’t know how to feel about this one. I do initiate things quite often – but according to the guys that I surveyed in “We Asked 10 Guys… They Answered“, they say its fine for the woman to make the first move. Perhaps that is only with regards to making the FIRST move.

 

#18. You try to change him – If you HAVE to change a man, he’s clearly not the right guy for you! Put it this way: if he was what you wanted, would you have to change him? While it’s true that everyone can IMPROVE, nagging a man to change is like saying that who they are right now is not acceptable to you. If it’s not acceptable, why are you chasing him? He won’t change just because you come along and tell him to; instead you’ll probably change before he does!”

~Never ever try to change a man. You will fail horribly, he will despise you for it and then you will only blame yourself. It’s a vicious cycle.

 

#19. You fail to leave when he doesn’t commit –He dodges the topic of commitment, doesn’t want to talk about the future, and runs away from the idea of marriage. BUT, you stick around still thinking that it will work out, and that he will do it…but this is when you SHOULD leave. You only hurt yourself more when you stay with a man who clearly has no intentions of committing, simply because you HOPE he will.”

~I am horrible about this. In “We Asked 10 Guys… They Answered“, it was made very clear that more often than not, if a guy tells you that he ‘doesn’t have time for a relationship’, he is full of it, and is simply making excuses in an attempt to spare your feelings.

 

#20. You accept the “friendship zone” – He says that he isn’t ready to date again, and tells you that he just wants to stay single. He also tells you that he just wants to be friends instead…and OH BOY, did you ever throw yourself under the bus by accepting that kind of a LIE from men. It’s a HUGE lie and an excuse when men say that they don’t want a relationship now, because they ARE looking, but they just don’t want to commit to you.”

~If a guy really sees nothing as relationship potential, I would MUCH rather be told up front that they’d really like to just be friends. Personally, I can flip the friendship switch on or off pretty easily; I just need to be told to do so. Otherwise, the woman in me is just going to keep developing feelings and emotions and attractions.

 

#21. You want men to fix your life – You have all kinds of problems and expect men to come in like a valiant knight or magical prince charming and fix everything. Men sense this, and instead of adding to your problems, they rebel and ADD to your problems. They don’t want to be treated like a doormat that you step on and wipe your feet off on; and they don’t want to be part of all the drama that is your own life which you can’t even fix on your own.”

 

#22. You use men – Men get the vibe that you use them, because you might only seem to be interested in their money, in their vehicle (transportation), in their connections (business, friends, hobbies etc.), or you might treat them like they are a trophy. They sense this and retaliate in turn by using you back, which means they may just use you for attention, sex, an ego boost etc…”

 

#23. You don’t deliver – You impress him when you first meet, and he gets this idea that you are this amazing chick, because you told him you were… but when he sees you the next time you are just dull, he sees right through you, and ends up thinking you don’t deliver.

But, just because you don’t deliver on all the things he wants, that doesn’t mean that he still can’t use you for something or rather, which he will, and when he’s finished he’ll dump you…which will be pretty fast.”

 

#24. You expect men to entertain you – You go out with men because you are bored, or want something to do. You are looking for entertainment, and he sees it, when you constantly ask him to take you places…and don’t really seem to be interested in him as a person, but rather seem more interested in what entertains you. This will make him start to disrespect you and lose interest, which in turn makes him not really care about hurting your feelings, because he thinks you don’t care either.”

 

#25. You never agree with men – You think they are wrong most of the time, and always argue with them. They get sick and tired of being nagged, and in turn start to act out against you, because they can’t handle it anymore. If you can’t ever agree with a man or find some common ground, it should be obvious that he in turn, won’t agree with you and will only take his side and want things his way.”

~My only comment for this one in particular is that women think they are always right and feel like they have to get the last word in edge wise. If you don’t believe me, read my female survey “We Asked 10 Women… They Answered“.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/6066979

January 14, 2012

On Hiatus


So it has been brought to my attention that I have taken a two-week hiatus from going on any new dates. This is due to a multitude of reasons:

First of all, I finally got into a consistent work schedule – which is definitely a good thing. It’s good to be back to work. Granted, I’ve been working my ass off, but its good – it keeps me from getting fat and lazy.  =)

Second, is that the quality of men that I’m finding on Plenty of Fish and OkCupid is steadily declining. I’m actually compiling a post of all the ridiculous messages I get on these things. Some of them just baffle me and as a result I’m less than inclined to respond to the vast majority of them.

Finally, the connection with the guy from some of my other blog posts (i.e. Date 3 of 30, Date 4 of 30, and Date 5 of 30) seems to be dwindling as of late. He just can’t seem to figure out what the hell he wants. My best friend and roommate tells me that I should just throw in the towel and move on. But it sucks to admit defeat after you’ve invested a month into someone. Then again, I guess it’s better to give up now than continue to pursue something that isn’t reciprocated. Fuck. Unrequited feelings SUCK!

So I think I’m taking another two-week hiatus (at minimum) from the dating world. It takes a lot of time and energy to keep doing this. And honestly, rejection fucking sucks. There is no way to take the sting out of it. You always end up thinking that you’re simply not good enough. Its time to recharge and try to obtain a feeling of self-worth once again. Maybe I’ll just retire this dating blog now…? Who knows.

If any of my readers really want to see me continue this charade, then leave me some feedback and let me know. It just seems un-fulfilling and stagnant at this point.

January 10, 2012

A Little Game Of “Would You Rather” – The Men Answer


Have you ever wondered what a man’s preferences really are in relation to a woman’s appearance? Well, we decided to ask 10 men what they thought in a little game that I like to call “Would You Rather”. Most men fared the same in their responses in terms of what they prefer. So unless you get one of the guys who responded in the 20th percentile, chances are that most men will have the same preferences. Enjoy!

 

1. Would you rather have a woman with large breasts or small breasts?

Large Breasts: 80%

Small Breasts: 20%

Bottom line is that men truly do prefer bigger breasts… but most of us already knew that. Looks like its time to save up for a breast augmentation, ladies. In this instance, bigger really is better.

 

2. Would you rather have a woman with a flat stomach, or is ok to have a little bit of a tummy?

Flat Stomach: 20%

Little Tummy: 80%

Surprisingly, men are ok with their women having a little bit of a tummy. So stop stressing so much about being a size 2 – chances are, your man likes you for you – tummy or not.

 

3. Would you rather have a woman with a pretty face, or an amazing body?

Pretty Face: 90%

Amazing Body: 10%

Stop focusing on your bodies so much… men are more interested in the fact that you are visually attractive in the face. A pretty face is more likely to win over your man than a perfect, banging body.

 

4. Would you rather have a woman who wears makeup, or one who wears none?

Makeup: 10%

No Makeup: 90%

Most men prefer women that don’t need to wear makeup… apparently, it’s not hot or sexy when half of your face rubs off on their shirt when you hug them.

 

5. Does it matter if a woman has cellulite or stretch marks?

Yes: 20%

No: 80%

Guys are surprisingly accepting of our bodies… flaws and all.

 

6. Do you prefer women who have faux tans or women that are pasty white?

Fake & Bake: 20%

Pale Skinned: 80%

Natural tanning is good, but the orange Oompa Loompa look is not going to attract men. So stop wasting your money at the tanning salons… Men would rather date a pasty pale girl than one with skin cancer.

 

7. Do you prefer women with acrylic (fake) nails or a natural manicure?

Acrylics: 0%

Manicure: 100%

Not one man responded with liking acrylic nails… I think it actually freaks them out a little. Stop wasting your money and grow your nails out ladies.

 

8. Is it ok for women to be muscular?

Yes: 80%

No: 20%

Now, we’re not talking body-builder status, but for the most part, men think it’s perfectly ok for their woman to be toned.

 

9. Would you rather have a woman with a flat ass or junk in the trunk?

Flat Ass: 20%

Junk in the Trunk: 80%

Men like the booty… enough said.

 

10. Do you prefer blondes or brunettes?

Blondes: 20%

Brunettes: 80%

Surprisingly, the brunettes won this round. Who ever said blondes have more fun? Looks like brunettes do…

January 7, 2012

Apparently, I Need To Change Myself


According to an article I read (entitled 20 Reasons You Don’t Have A Boyfriend), I have determined some potential reasons as to why I may still be single. Not many of these things applied to me, personally, but the ones that did made me realize that maybe I should change the way I am.

9. You’re a Mean Girl. Seriously, stop being a bitch. I’ve heard guys speak in awe (and fear) of mean girls, but Chuck Bassis the only guy I’ve ever seen who really wanted to love one, and he’s fictitious. Sometimes, guys want to get with mean girls because they’re powerful, but that relationship isn’t about love.”

~ Now, I’m not really that big of a bitch… ok, I take that back… maybe I am. But honestly, I just can’t handle stupidity. And sometimes that makes me come off as a bitch. But if you ask any of my friends, underneath my “bitchy” exterior, is a really good-hearted, gentle girl who is actually really sweet and thoughtful. I always try to put the needs of others before my own. Even if it means self-sacrifice.

11. You’re aggressive. You act like one of the guys. You pursue, make moves, call the shots. You say that you’re a liberated woman, so you can grab whatever cock grabs your fancy. That will get you laid, but try to remember that it’s the male of the species that got the big dose of testosterone. That male is biologically programmed to seek his complementary opposite – which includes a much larger dose of estrogen. You can be strong, independent, and very, very female.”

~ Until the other day (when my roommates called me out on this), I would have NEVER described myself as an aggressive individual. I was maybe even in denial about it until I read the part where it says “You act like one of the guys”. This may be my biggest downfall yet. I have always prided myself on the fact that I’m more of a guys’ girl than a girly girl. Apparently, this is not what is going to win the affection of a man. This sucks… really bad. I don’t know how to be feminine… I’d much rather chill out at home in my jeans and a wife beater than put on a freaking dress or a skirt and go out. I used to think that guys preferred guys’ girls… but now I’m learning that men really want a feminine woman. Fuck. I’m screwed.

“13. You’re a homebody. You’re not out there meeting new people every day. You are not going through each day looking to interact with and smile at attractive and approachable people. And by the way, get off the cell phone. The adorable guy behind you in line at Starbuckscan’t say hi if you’re on your phone, plus he’s hearing you sound like a complete idiot with your BFF.”

~ This is true as well. Aside from work, I don’t get out very much anymore. I wake up, go to work, come home, go to sleep, and then do it all over again the next day. The other side to this is that I’m obsessed with my phone. It is CONSTANTLY within my reach. I have jokingly said that my phone is by far my most monogamous relationship. Additionally, one of my roommates jokes that I am too “plugged in” to the “matrix”, or in my case, the internet. This is probably true, but I feel a sort of separation anxiety when I’m away from technology for too long.

With all of this being said, it looks like I have to completely change myself in order to ever get what I want, i.e. a relationship. The hard part is realizing that everything you thought was good about yourself is the entire reason you’re still single. Damn. Looks like I am in store for a complete personality make-over. I have to pretend to be nice (even when I don’t want to be, feminize myself and get out more. This fucking sucks. Apparently, in order to get a boyfriend, I have to put on a show and pretend to be something I’m not. Well, according to this article anyways…

January 5, 2012

Women Are A Complete Mystery


“The biggest mystery in the universe perplexing one of the world’s best known scientists is — women.

Hawking as seen as a cartoon character on The ...

Image via Wikipedia

When New Scientist magazine asked “Brief History of Time” author Stephen Hawking what he thinks about most, the Cambridge University professor renowned for unravelling some of the most complex questions in modern physics answered: “Women. They are a complete mystery.'”

Full Article Here: http://news.yahoo.com/women-mystery-british-physicist-hawking-135814776.html

Are you freaking kidding me??? Women are a complete mystery??? I beg to differ. Don’t get me wrong, Stephen Hawking is an absolutely brilliant theoretical physicist and cosmologist, but he is pretty stupid for thinking that women are a mystery. For a man who can calculate the complexities of the Universe along with String Theory and M-Theory, it seems that he could still use a tip or two in the female psyche department. All of the women I know are pretty simple to understand. All that you, as men have to do is open your damn ears and listen to what we say. It really isn’t that complicated.

LEARN WHEN TO TALK AND WHEN TO LISTEN:

Women have this very strong need to be able to talk about the things that go through their minds. We are inquisitive, curious creatures who tend to over analyze the tiniest thing imaginable. We talk. About everything. Our hopes, our dreams, our futures, our stresses, our fears, our problems… we just talk. Yeah, it may drive you nuts, but half the time we aren’t asking men to fix the issue… we simply just want someone to talk to about things. Anything, really.

A friend of mine was particularly in tune with women and he told me that it is the male instinct to fix things. When women start to talk to men about things, they often don’t know if we want their help to fix an issue or if they should just listen. 90% of the time, women just want you to listen. But if you aren’t sure, ASK US! We have no problems telling you that we’re just using you as a sounding board, or if we really want help with something.

REALIZE THAT WOMEN ARE EMOTIONAL CREATURES

Ok… Realize that it is not our fault that we were created with a ridiculous amount of hormones that rage through our body and cause emotional flare ups when our uterus is squeezing, contracting and secreting blood from our vagina, so that we can one day rear your children. Trust us, if we could change this, most of us would. I don’t know a single woman out there that enjoys being moody or overly sensitive or emotional (especially around that time of the month). Just roll with the punches… it usually only lasts about a week anyways… unless she’s crazy, that is.

WHAT WOMEN WANT FROM MEN
English: Brad Pitt at the Burn After Reading p...

Image via Wikipedia

All women want the same fundamental things from men (you can check out the blog I did earlier pertaining to this: “We Asked Ten Women… They Answered“).

Most women agreed that things such as honesty, loyalty, communication, love, respect, and faithfulness were amongst their top ranking priorities.

Hmmm. Imagine that. We don’t care if you have an amazing house, or a nice car, or a million dollars, or look like Brad Pitt. We care that you will be able to fulfill our basic desires to be protected, and have emotional and physical stability. We want to be loved. We want to feel safe. We want to feel needed. Is that such a hard concept to wrap your brain around?

See? Women aren’t that difficult to decipher. For the most part, we try to tell you in plain English what it is that we want/need. It’s not our fault that men fail to listen to us. Although, in the defense of men everywhere, sometimes I can understand why you don’t listen to us all the time.

But seriously, if you agree with Hawking and think that “women are a complete mystery”, why don’t you try sitting down with a girl and asking her some of the things you just can’t seem to figure out about us. We would be more than willing to talk to you about it – You just have to be willing to listen and accept the things we have to say.

If you guys out there have any remaining questions that you feel the above content did not address or answer, feel free to make this an open topic Q&A Blog. I’ll do my best to provide unbiased insight into a woman’s mind.

January 2, 2012

Date 5 of 30: Time To Shit Or Get Off The Pot…


So by date #4 with any given individual, I feel like enough time has been invested by both parties to make an informed decision as to where it should go moving forward. It is a crossroads, so-to-speak; time to make it or break it; time to shit, or get off the pot.

By the end of date #4, you should be able to determine if you like the other person or not. And by this, I do not mean “Yeah, I like hanging out with him/her”. You should be able to know whether or not you could see yourself in a relationship with the other person. Further, you should definitely know if a relationship is something you WANT.

Obviously, if you are on the market in the dating scene, it is highly probable that you are ultimately seeking a relationship. Otherwise, you are simply playing the game, only looking for commitment-free, casual sex. While some people are ok with a “friends with benefits” arrangement, most (specifically women) are not ok with this notion.

By the end of date #4, undoubtedly, some form of physicality has occurred. It can be as innocent as hand holding or cuddling; it can be the expected hug or kiss; and, in some cases it could be the extreme end of the spectrum, where the two parties have had sex. In any instance, you should be able to judge for yourself as to whether or not this is something you want more of; something you enjoy; something you want to pursue further.

Women, unfortunately, are emotional creatures. We are ruled and governed by our feelings (we have hormones to thank for this).  Sexual encounters greatly amplify these feelings, whether we like it or not. This is probably why women start to press on the issue of being in a relationship when things are taken to a physical level.

If it is obvious that there is physical and intellectual attraction on both sides, what is the big deal about making things official? I mean, the whole point of dating is to look around until you find someone who you would want to be with for any extended period of time. When you find someone who fits all the criteria you’re looking for, what is it that holds people (specifically men) back from making a commitment. The majority of men say that they aren’t afraid of commitment (See “We Asked 10 Guys… They Answered“), yet they act like they are. Being in a committed relationship doesn’t mean marriage and children… it means not dating or sleeping with anyone else.

So when is the right time to put someone on the spot about where a potential relationships stands…? As a woman, I like to know where I stand. I can turn the switch on or off with the blink of an eye… tell me you want me or tell me you don’t… It doesn’t matter which one you choose, but for the love of God, choose one so that I know what to feel or what not to feel.

I can’t be strung along by every guy that comes my way, so after about a month vested into this guy, I’m making him choose. Largely in part, because I don’t want to let myself get hurt if he decides that a relationship is not what he wants. So this might be the last time I write about the wonderful guy (Profile #2 from “The Informant“), as I told him he needs to think about what he wants from this. Like my title says, it is definitely time to shit or get off the pot at this point… We shall see what he decides.

December 29, 2011

Date 4 of 30: Famous Dave’s BBQ


Not every date will be a first date with someone new. Today was actually a first date with someone I’ve spent time with twice before (Refer to Profile #2 in The “Informant” and Date 3 of 30: The Unexpected Kick Back).

Famous Dave's

Image via Wikipedia

Now this is the third time I’ve hung out with this person, and I must admit, I’m rather fond of this individual. Today, however, is the first time that we actually went out on a planned date. The location: Famous Dave’s BBQ in Vista. Neither of us had ever eaten there and he had heard that it rivals Phil’s BBQ, so naturally, we had to find out for ourselves.

We drove up in his Jeep with the top down, which invoked a child-like urge to stick my head out the top of a moving vehicle… However, I resisted this temptation. But there’s something to be said about driving with no roof to a vehicle; it allows you to enjoy the amazing weather we have in San Diego; sunshine on your face, wind in your hair; it just kind of makes you smile.

With this particular person, our conversation flows pretty smoothly and we share a similar sense of humor (meaning we laugh at the same horribly inappropriate things). We talked laughed the entire way up, during lunch, and on the way back about anything and everything. It’s really refreshing when conversation just comes naturally and you’re not worried about impressing the other person with the things you say, or trying to avoid awkward silence.

As for the actual lunch, I am totally a fan of this place – phenomenal BBQ and excellent, timely service. I can’t compare it to Phil’s BBQ, however – I think they both have merit-able qualities. I learned today though that as a woman, a BBQ date is a good way to judge your comfort level around another person. If can order a rack of ribs and eat them with your bare hands WITHOUT fear of getting BBQ sauce all over your face, chances are you’re both pretty comfortable around each other. After lunch, we spent some time at my house again and were content to watch TV… with some minor cuddling.

There are quite a few things I like about this individual, aside from the obvious physical attraction to him.

1. We  have very similar personalities and we find humor in common things (which is a big deal to me because I tend to be very sarcastic).

2. He exudes a type of confidence that is difficult to find in many people. This makes him even more attractive to me (on top of the killer smile and super dreamy eyes).

3. We text and/or talk daily. A single text from him can put a smile on my face.

4. He talks to me openly about things in his life; more specifically, his personal life. (Now, I  may not know much about men in general, but I know enough about them to know that not all guys just openly talk about their personal stuff to random girls that could be considered “flings”.)

5. Despite his hectic schedule (and believe me, he works a LOT), he STILL finds time and makes time to see me. This is probably the biggest thing of all for me. I have been given the “I don’t have time for a girlfriend” excuse PLENTY of times. As I found out in a recent blog, We Asked 10 Guys… They Answered, if a guy likes you, he will make time for you… and so far, this is panning out to be true.

I really can’t wait to spend more time with this guy and see what comes of it. He’s pretty awesome.

 

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