Posts tagged ‘Marriage’

January 17, 2012

The Reasoning


PlentyofFish

I recently found an article online that offers women insight as to why we attract the wrong type of men (direct link here). Personally, I found many of these topics to hold true in my own dating life.

Image representing OkCupid as depicted in Crun...

Even before I began this blog, I had gone on multiple dates with individuals I had met on Plenty of Fish and OkCupid, with little to no avail. They always start off great, yet they deter and ultimately dissolve into nothingness.

We end up asking ourselves where we went wrong with this great potential relationship candidate. After reading this article, it seems that maybe there are some things that women do subconsciously that sabotage a would-be relationship right from the start. See how many on this list you find yourself guilty of:

 

 

#1. You don’t draw the boundaries – If a man wants to get intimate with you, he can. If he wants to disrespect you or make fun of you, he can. If he wants to say he’ll call but never does, he can. He walks all over you, because he can, and because you let him. Draw the boundaries, otherwise you’ll find that men will do WHATEVER they want to, regardless of how you feel about it.”

 

“#2. You tell them not to like you, because you don’t like yourself – You give off the vibe that you really hate yourself, and that you don’t value yourself. You downsize yourself and show your insecurities in your self-sabotaging comments and jokes that you make about yourself when you talk to men. This tells them that you are a low quality woman, and thus they treat you like one.”

~I must admit that I suffer from ridiculously low self-esteem. It’s not that I don’t like myself – as a matter of fact, I think I’m pretty fucking awesome. But I can’t seem to look in the mirror and see myself as attractive. I think many women can relate to this as we have sub-model-esque features.

 

#3. You jump into bed too early – You try to snag him by jumping into bed with him, but that only backfires when you realize that he only wanted a one night stand. NEVER become intimate with a man early on, if he is TRULY into you, he won’t make that a requirement, and will not rush into intimacy with you.”

~Guilty as charged. I like sex. Sue me. But apparently, you have to play the prude role and try to play hard to get in this field. Even though most of the men I surveyed in “We Asked 10 Guys… They Answered“, said they wouldn’t look down on a girl who gave it up right away, I think it takes the thrill of the chase away from them when we give into sex too soon.

 

#4. You don’t think you can accomplish your goals without a man – You want a house, and kids, and a stable life…and you sit there telling men how you need to settle down with a guy just to get these things. This comes across as being utterly needy and even creepy at times; and tells him that you’re not really willing to give yourself anything on your own, and instead expect a man to give you the life you desire.

 

#5. You expect commitment instantly – You just met the guy, and already you are strangling him with commitment talks and expectations. The quickest way to scare a man off is by making him feel as though you are trying to trap him; which talking about commitment does! If a man wants to commit, he doesn’t want to be told to do it; BUT wants to CHOOSE it, which you don’t allow him to do when you come on too strong in the beginning.”

~Guilty once again. These days, relationships are nothing more than a commitment so that we, as women don’t feel like men are just sticking their dicks into every woman they come in contact with. Guys see it as us trying to trap them – when the reality of it is that we’re not asking to get married or have their children. We just want to know that you aren’t doing and saying the same things with 5 other women. I still don’t feel like it’s a bad thing to ask, as I did in “Date 5 of 30: TIme to Shit or Get Off the Pot” . Perhaps this is why I’m single. Duly noted.

 

#6. You’re extremely bossy- You talk about all the things he has to do for you, and get for you, and he thinks you’re just a spoiled brat who needs to grow up. He’s never going to let you boss him around or tell him what to do, and will probably throw that in your face just to teach you a lesson.”

 

#7. You don’t give him space – A man will become a complete jerk when you deprive him of space and when you deprive him of his “personal” time alone and away from you. Men will literally ARGUE and cause a huge fight just to have a valid reason to leave you, because otherwise, they’d never be able to get some time alone.”

 

#8. You’re too touchy – He says one small thing and it offsets you so much that you start crying, or argue for 3 hours about it, and you just can’t drop anything or let anything go. He doesn’t want to feel like he’s walking on egg shells around you, so instead he will just dump you on the sidelines and find someone who isn’t so touchy.”

~Now I’m not necessarily the kind of girl that cries because my feelings have been hurt, but that’s not to say that I don’t know a lot of women who do… I admit to getting a little defensive at times, but not really to the point where I’m crying over it. Men just need to realize that we are overly emotional and sensitive; just like women have come to realize that men can be insensitive pricks who could give two shits about our feelings.

 

#9. You let him take you for granted – You give him so much so early on, without him having to EARN it or WORK for it, that he starts to take you for granted. His ego is inflated because he is getting you to do everything for him, without working for it…thus he literally doesn’t appreciate you, and you mean nothing to him…because it’s just YOU who is chasing him. He’ll treat you like crap as a result.”

 

#10. You let men determine your mood – Your mood depends entirely on what other men think, and whether or not they are attracted etc… Thus, if you are rejected or if he doesn’t call you…you’ll instantly feel down. Likewise, if he talks to you for a while, or if he says he likes you…your mood elevates.

Men notice this behavior and may play around with you just to get a reaction…which in turn means they are not genuine but instead are entertaining themselves at the cost of your pain.”

~Dammit. Guilty again. I have no idea why men play such a huge role on my happiness level. I think a lot of women can relate to this.

 

#11. You’re too submissive – While it’s true that men want to be in control; the issue is that when you are TOO submissive men become control hungry because they become used to the idea of controlling you. Thus, when you try to gain control, they only become worse and try to control you more, because their comfort zone rests in having control over everything because you started off being submissive and thus conditioned them to only want you when you are submissive.

This is why they never let you make decisions, never let you have any say or any control…and in turn just abuse you when you try to put your foot down.”

~Can’t really say that this applies to me, as the only time I’m truly submissive is in the bedroom. I am a very typical Type A personality, alpha-female – and as such the only place where I relinquish control is behind closed doors.

 

#12. You tell men to judge you – You talk about your problems, your past relationships, your mistakes etc… and then you ask him what he thinks or what his input is; which is like asking him to judge you. He, of course, WILL judge you, and then will sound like a complete jerk. BUT, that’s your fault, for giving him permission to criticize and judge you so heavily to begin with.”

 

#13. You don’t uphold your morals – You tell a guy that you’re a good and clean girl; yet not even 5 minutes later you are acting completely different just to try [to] win him over, when your first approach doesn’t work. Men won’t want to commit to women who can’t uphold their morals, and would often view these women as being [low-class], easy takes.”

 

#14. You change everything just to be with a guy – It’s not natural that you’re suddenly interested in everything he is, and he notices that it’s fake. He knows that you’re just pretending and are altering your entire life just to try [to] show him that you have things in common. Some guys may take advantage of this in a bad way when they realize it, and may introduce you to bad habits, poor choices, and other things to get what they want.”

 

#15. You don’t stand up for yourself – He’ll pick on you or do something that is completely rude, and you don’t stand up for yourself, and don’t speak up to let him know that it’s something you dislike or that it’s something unacceptable. When you don’t stand up for yourself, you tell a man that it’s alright to continue the behavior, because he doesn’t know otherwise, and will probably increase the poor behavior as a result.”

 

#16. You don’t respect yourself – Instead, you expect men to respect you, because that’s the only way you can feel good, and the only way you can get respect. BUT, it starts from within, and a man will NEVER respect a woman who does not respect herself…because he doesn’t have a REASON to. The ONLY reason a man would do something, is if a woman makes it clear by doing it herself first.”

 

#17. You initiate everything – Even if he LETS you initiate something, it’s only because it’s easier for him, and it means he can get what he wants with little to no effort. It’s every guys dream to have easy girls chasing after them, which is what you appear to be when you initiate everything. Men who are genuine will ALWAYS initiate the important things first, such as getting your phone number, taking you on a date, starting a relationship, moving in together etc…”

~I don’t know how to feel about this one. I do initiate things quite often – but according to the guys that I surveyed in “We Asked 10 Guys… They Answered“, they say its fine for the woman to make the first move. Perhaps that is only with regards to making the FIRST move.

 

#18. You try to change him – If you HAVE to change a man, he’s clearly not the right guy for you! Put it this way: if he was what you wanted, would you have to change him? While it’s true that everyone can IMPROVE, nagging a man to change is like saying that who they are right now is not acceptable to you. If it’s not acceptable, why are you chasing him? He won’t change just because you come along and tell him to; instead you’ll probably change before he does!”

~Never ever try to change a man. You will fail horribly, he will despise you for it and then you will only blame yourself. It’s a vicious cycle.

 

#19. You fail to leave when he doesn’t commit –He dodges the topic of commitment, doesn’t want to talk about the future, and runs away from the idea of marriage. BUT, you stick around still thinking that it will work out, and that he will do it…but this is when you SHOULD leave. You only hurt yourself more when you stay with a man who clearly has no intentions of committing, simply because you HOPE he will.”

~I am horrible about this. In “We Asked 10 Guys… They Answered“, it was made very clear that more often than not, if a guy tells you that he ‘doesn’t have time for a relationship’, he is full of it, and is simply making excuses in an attempt to spare your feelings.

 

#20. You accept the “friendship zone” – He says that he isn’t ready to date again, and tells you that he just wants to stay single. He also tells you that he just wants to be friends instead…and OH BOY, did you ever throw yourself under the bus by accepting that kind of a LIE from men. It’s a HUGE lie and an excuse when men say that they don’t want a relationship now, because they ARE looking, but they just don’t want to commit to you.”

~If a guy really sees nothing as relationship potential, I would MUCH rather be told up front that they’d really like to just be friends. Personally, I can flip the friendship switch on or off pretty easily; I just need to be told to do so. Otherwise, the woman in me is just going to keep developing feelings and emotions and attractions.

 

#21. You want men to fix your life – You have all kinds of problems and expect men to come in like a valiant knight or magical prince charming and fix everything. Men sense this, and instead of adding to your problems, they rebel and ADD to your problems. They don’t want to be treated like a doormat that you step on and wipe your feet off on; and they don’t want to be part of all the drama that is your own life which you can’t even fix on your own.”

 

#22. You use men – Men get the vibe that you use them, because you might only seem to be interested in their money, in their vehicle (transportation), in their connections (business, friends, hobbies etc.), or you might treat them like they are a trophy. They sense this and retaliate in turn by using you back, which means they may just use you for attention, sex, an ego boost etc…”

 

#23. You don’t deliver – You impress him when you first meet, and he gets this idea that you are this amazing chick, because you told him you were… but when he sees you the next time you are just dull, he sees right through you, and ends up thinking you don’t deliver.

But, just because you don’t deliver on all the things he wants, that doesn’t mean that he still can’t use you for something or rather, which he will, and when he’s finished he’ll dump you…which will be pretty fast.”

 

#24. You expect men to entertain you – You go out with men because you are bored, or want something to do. You are looking for entertainment, and he sees it, when you constantly ask him to take you places…and don’t really seem to be interested in him as a person, but rather seem more interested in what entertains you. This will make him start to disrespect you and lose interest, which in turn makes him not really care about hurting your feelings, because he thinks you don’t care either.”

 

#25. You never agree with men – You think they are wrong most of the time, and always argue with them. They get sick and tired of being nagged, and in turn start to act out against you, because they can’t handle it anymore. If you can’t ever agree with a man or find some common ground, it should be obvious that he in turn, won’t agree with you and will only take his side and want things his way.”

~My only comment for this one in particular is that women think they are always right and feel like they have to get the last word in edge wise. If you don’t believe me, read my female survey “We Asked 10 Women… They Answered“.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/6066979

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